When you became a patient yourself only you will feel....

Is not easy to relate this experience here! I have been a doctor for the past 10 years however, today I only realise how sensitive a person could be when you become a patient yourself!

I am blessed with a daughter of 2 years old, then my husband and I decided to plan for a second baby. We were physically apart as I need to complete my training overseas for a year, therefore when we finally reunited, we were planning for this pregnancy instantly! We were very glad that I was found pregnant with our second baby early August, as I am a medical doctor, I was very aware of my missing menses for the first few days, further more, I did feel some physical changes which was related to early pregnancy! I went for an early scan with the help of my OBGYN friend, it was confirmed then with an intraunterine sac! I told my husband the good news and we were very excited!

I was feeling nuaseated and vomitted in the early few weeks of the gestation, soon the whole department knew the good news and all of them shared my happiness! I had a second scan at about 8 weeks POA, and again was told that the fetus was fine! With the busy schedule of mine, I did not have a subsequent scan till I developed spotting few days ago after returning from meeting elsewhere. I told my OBGYN that the spotting was only 2 days and I did not feel pain. At 12 weeks of POA, I finally went for a third scan with this time, I insisted my husband to follow as I did not know why, I felt I need him to be with me this time! True enough, bad news happened to me when my OBGYN friend told me that I am having a fatal fetal anomaly- anencepahlic fetal! I thought the news was broke to me as a joke, as I did not register it until my OBGYN friend stressed again that the fetal had no cranium on the scan! I looked at my husband and thought that my world is coming down and falling apart!

We had a second opinion from another fetal maternal specialist which confirmed our worst nightmares about this baby! I was being told as a medical doctor the terms and the future of this fetal condition, which I knew well about! I had witessed the delivery of anencephalic baby before when I was doing my internship years ago! I fully understood what the condition is all about, and the choice is for TOP(termination of pregnancy).

Both of us after discussion and with much difficulty, we agreed to go for TOP as soon as possible in view of the fetal condition. Therefore, I took the next day off to be admitted to the ward for TOP (wish to spend some time with my first daughter before admission). The day came, I was admitted to the ward with admission form filled up with diagnosis: For TOP with cervagem - fetal anomaly.

In the admission form, my name was not prefix with Dr in front, just like a normal layman's name, and the staff in the ward as usual, took the form and discussed with the rest of the staff in front of the counter, in front of me as a patient about what to do for me, one said:"For TOP with cervagem, need to indent medicine". Another staff said:"for what?" She replied:"Fetal anomaly!" everything was said in loud and infront of me as a patient, and at that moment I felt like a knife cutting through my heart and it hurts me a lot, the whole nigth I went through my emotional trumoil and ups and downs to get myself to do TOP, and now with the comment like this, I felt so bad about the way the staff discussing the condition in front of me, without taking care of my feelings!

I understand that I as a medical doctor and my staff in my ward may did the same thing as well in front of our patients, we might be too numb and too insensitive towards how our patient might feel nowadays as we have busy schedule and tasks to deal with everyday, so we have lost our sensitivity towards how our patient might feel about their condition! I knew that when they found out that I am one of the doctor who works there, their attitue changed and they did not discuss further about my misfortune! Or may be is because I showed dislike on my face when I heard them saying out loud about my misfortune!

Today, I realised that I as a medical doctor who runs the ward need to remind ourselves and my staff to be sensitive towards how our patient might feel! The least is to keep our comment to ourselves and to keep our discussion among ourselves if needed. When you are on the other side of the situation (being a patient yourself) then only you will realise how a patient look at the staff and the doctors.

Therefore, I wish all medical doctors and the staff in health care services to learn to be more understanding and more sensitive towards how other people feel. I for sure have learned and will remember this day forever in my life!

For those who are blessed with healthy and beautiful babies, cherrish all the moments and be thankful! For me, I would remember this second baby of mine did come with a reason, to make me realise and to make me learn to be a better health care provider in future! My prayers will be with this baby!